A MODEST PROPOSAL FOR STUDENTS
IN THE CLASSROOM
1. Come on time. You disturb the professor, the students, and the flow of the class when you walk in late.
2. Come to class prepared. Do the assigned reading.
3. Enthusiasm is contagious. Profs respond and teach better to an alert, attentive, and interested class in just the way a performer puts on a better show for an enthusiastic crowd.
4. Be involved in class. Participate in class discussions and ask questions. If you do not have a lot to say, then show that you are interested and engaged by making eye contact with the professor. You would find it pretty boring if the prof never made eye contact with the class. In the same way, the prof will find you pretty boring, and assume you are not interested, if you never look up.
5. The “too cool for school” posture is unacceptable and offensive. Never slouch, chat, glare at the clock, or yawn. The professor is not your adversary. Work with him, not against him. You would not appreciate such posture or attitude if you were speaking at the front of the class. Think about it.
6. Respect your classmates, and learn their names for class discussions. Never refer to “the fat guy in the Nike hat.” It’s not nice.
7. When a fellow student speaks it is not an opportunity to “tune out,” take a break, or start a conversation. Respecting your classmates includes listening to their questions and comments.
8. During class, never study for another exam or do work for another class. If you’re too busy to be in class, then don’t come. But, by the way, you’re never that busy.
9. Never close your books or rustle your papers to signal the end of class. This is like looking at your phone when someone is talking to you—pretty rude. The prof knows what time it is, and will let you know when the class is over.
10. Try not to look at the time during class. Time flies when you’re not thinking about it.
11. Do not walk out of class unless it is truly necessary. Do not walk out of class during an exam without asking permission, and do not even think of taking your phone to the bathroom during an exam.
12. Do not look at your phone during class, and do not send text messages during class. It’s rude. Pay attention. If your phone rings, you will be instructed to put it on vibrate and shove it up your @$$.
13. Listen as if the professor were speaking to you alone. Don’t divide the responsibility for understanding among all the students in the class. Ultimately you alone are responsible for your understanding of the material.
OFFICE HOURS, ETC.
1. Make use of office hours, and don’t hesitate to make an appointment if the designated times conflict with your schedule. If you make an appointment, keep it. No one likes to be stood up.
2. Keep in mind that profs do not just “kill time” in their offices between classes. Profs put a great deal of time into preparing for class and also pursue an active scholarly research agenda. Profs are there for students first and foremost, but respect their time and interests.
3. When addressing the instructor don’t just start talking. Whether by e-mail, phone, or in person, call your prof by name: Dr. Doolittle, Professor Plum, Mr. Clean, Ms. Demeanor, Ms. Information, whatever.
4. Don’t wait until it’s “too late” to seek help. If you’re having trouble let the prof know, and show that you are concerned.
5. Come to office hours with particular questions, concerns, or problems in mind. Don’t wait until you arrive to think about what you need help with.
6. Never ask “Did I miss anything important in class the other day?” Of course you did.
7. Don’t ask for extra credit. This is not your seventh grade science class; you cannot earn extra credit by making a volcano for the science fair. Just work extra hard on the remaining assignments.
8. When leaving voice mail for your prof, make it brief and to the point—no long excuse stories or graphic details about projectile vomiting and other maladies. Better yet, just e-mail me!
9. Unless the prof instructs you otherwise, do not call to tell him/her that you will be missing class. You are an adult. If you were not in class, the prof assumes you had a good reason.
10. Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on the prof’s part. Laziness is not a learning disability; procrastination is not a sport.
1. Hand in papers on time, and do not ask for extensions, except under the most extraordinary circumstances.
2. Do not miss scheduled exams or quizzes except under the most extraordinary circumstances. Do not expect a makeup or any special accommodations if you do miss.
3. Cheating on exams and quizzes is frowned upon. Do not check your phone during an exam.
4. Don’t answer exam and quiz questions like you would in responding to a text message. Instead, answer in full sentences developed into coherent paragraphs.
5. Philosophy is about giving arguments to support or defend your position. This also involves criticizing the beliefs and positions of others—it is not impolite to do so.
7. Bad words and phrases in Philosophy include, but are not limited to: “opinion,” “personally,” “to me,” “for me,” and “feel.”
8. Good words and phrases in Philosophy include, but are not limited to: “My position is,” “My argument is,” “My criticism of the opposing side is,” “I believe,” and “I think.” In writing, vary your sentence structure. For example, do not begin several sentences in a row “He says …” Avoid phrases like “goes on to say.”
9. Warning: Do not plagiarize in any way. Plagiarism is obvious. If you were smart enough to plagiarize and get away with it, you would not need to plagiarize in the first place! The instructor has electronic copies of all term papers submitted in previous semesters.
10. This is NOT KINDERGARTEN. Special plastic covers and red ribbons on term papers are not necessary, and indeed are not appreciated. No cover pages, title pages, or other excess baggage. Thank you.
11. Staple your term paper once in the upper left corner. Never ask the prof for a stapler—he is not your secretary or supply store.
12. Use a title for your paper different from the name of the book you are examining.
13. Titles of movies, TV shows, and books should be in italics. Titles of articles should be enclosed in quotation marks.
14. Label the sections of your term paper so that it is completely clear what parts of your paper correspond to the parts of the paper specified in the handout/outline.
15. Include a Works Cited section if you cite from any book (including the one assigned), article, website, etc.
16. Do not ask if your paper is graded the day after you handed it in. You had a reasonable amount of time to write it, now give the prof a reasonable amount of time to grade it.
17. Contrary to popular opinion, grading is not easy and profs do not take sadistic pleasure in it. It is the worst part of the job, and profs strive to be as fair as possible.
1. Do expect courtesy, concern, interest, and promptness.
2. Do not expect special treatment or accommodations.